Parents often worry more about their children than the children worry about themselves. This concern is natural, but sometimes it leads to unintended consequences.
A Common Scenario
Consider this situation:
A parent buys a KES 100,000 laptop for their son or daughter.
The child, thinking they can make a quick profit, sells the laptop and gambles the money, hoping to make more and replace it.
Unfortunately, things go wrong. The laptop is gone, and so is the money.
The Reality Check
Parents, this might sound familiar.
A concerned parent reaches out, “Hello Elvis, my son spends all day playing computer games. He’s 25. How can I help him get a job so he can live on his own?”
First and foremost, we need to recognize that a 25-year-old is a grown man. It’s time for some tough love.
Why Tough Love is Necessary
In Kenya, many parents have faced harsh times and worked hard to create good times for their children.
However, this well-meaning protection has sometimes led to children becoming reluctant to change and grow up.
Imagine a 27-year-old cuddling in his mother’s bedsheets, spending the entire day playing online games.
He impregnates a girl, creating more problems for her and his family.
Now, the parent has to take on the responsibility of a new grandchild.
Dear Parents, Here’s What You Need to Do
Dear Parents, Here’s What You Need to Do
- Set Clear Boundaries: Adult children need to understand the realities of life. Provide them with clear expectations and timelines to find employment and contribute to household expenses.
- Encourage Independence: It’s essential to foster independence. Let them handle their problems, from paying bills to facing the consequences of their actions.
- Stop Enabling: Being too nice and caring can sometimes enable irresponsible behavior. It’s time to stop ‘suckling’ adult babies. Let them face the real world.
- Create Real Consequences: If they refuse to step up, it might be time to show them the door. They need to see what the world has to offer. Let them face bills head-on and even sleep on the floor if necessary. Their problems will open their minds.
- Provide Support, Not Handouts: Support your adult children emotionally, but avoid financial handouts that enable dependency.
The Hard Truth
It’s not easy to watch your children struggle, but sometimes it’s necessary for their growth.
By pushing them out of the nest, you’re helping them develop the skills and resilience they need to succeed on their own.
Final Thoughts
Parents, it’s time to adopt tough love.
Let your adult children take responsibility for their lives. It might be hard at first, but it will ultimately lead to their growth and independence.
Stop ‘suckling’ adult babies and let them face the real world. They will thank you in the long run.
Baaas!
